Green Goddess Columns
Thursday, 19 April 2007

Over the past few months it seems as if every glossy magazine is having a green issue moment. A Hollywood celeb is put on the cover wearing glam green garb and extolling their commitment to organic veg and their Toyota Prius. But they usually remain spookily silent when it comes to their use of carbon-busting private jets. When John Travolta recently encouraged his public to "do their bit" to combat global warming, he didn't mention he owns a £2m Boeing 707, three Gulfstream jets and a Learjet, which he keeps at the bottom of his garden next to his private runway. Stay green, John!

My dashing architect, Alex Michaelis, frequently stars in these gorgeous green mags - honestly, he's got more covers than Cindy Crawford. I asked him if he thought the glamourisation of the green movement was a good thing, and he reckons that at least it gives green issues press coverage that they might not get otherwise, which is definitely true.

Anyway, I can hardly talk, because I'm featured in this month's green issue of She magazine, extolling the virtues of composting. I have been hoist on my own petard as, on the day, having laid out my organic jeans and hemp top for a reality shot, I was quickly corrupted by an enormous team, whose sole purpose was to tart me up in a dazzling array of clothes which I suspected might not be of organic provenance.

Frothy green dresses, false eyelashes, flattery, bring it on! How easily is the ordinary home composter seduced.

However, there was a price to be paid for the charm, frocks and flattery. I was to be photographed on my windy roof, wearing a pair of vertiginous high heels and a piece of frothy chiffon, clutching a cracked pot of compost with which I was about to feed my ravenous worms.

I shouldn't spoil this glamorous illusion, but the cracked pot was leaking dangerously over my frothy frock because I had thrown it the night before in a fit of eco-pique at S, but it had missed his head and taken out a large chunk of the wall instead.

The wall is going to be knocked down soon if we ever get round to getting our party wall agreements, so this wasn't a problem. But if my smiles on the roof look a little strained, it is probably because these thoughts were running through my head.

While I'm glad that the joys of home composting are finally being extolled in the glossy mags, I was confused by the headline to my composting guide: "She gave up the champagne lifestyle to go green!"

This is quite untrue. It was the other way round. I only took to the sauce when I became green - being an environmentalist is enough to drive anyone to drink.

If the environmentalist James Lovelock is to believed, and the world as we know it will soon come to an end, we must seize our pleasures while we can. Mine's an airport. Cheers!

Reduce your toxic splash by making your own cleaning products. It’s cheap and easy! directions>